


(parent)hesis

by call_me_steve



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Amnesiac Ghost Wilbur Soot, BASED ON THE CHARACTERS NOT THE REAL PEOPLE, Canon-Typical Violence, Father-Son Relationship, Floris | Fundy Angst, Floris | Fundy Has Abandonment Issues, Floris | Fundy Has Daddy Issues, Floris | Fundy Needs A Hug, Gen, Ghost Wilbur Soot, Ghost Wilbur Soot Needs a Hug, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Memories, Mentioned Sally The Salmon, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent-Child Relationship, Road Trips, Shapeshifter Floris | Fundy, Shapeshifter Sally the Salmon, They/Them Pronouns for Eret (Video Blogging RPF), Trans Floris | Fundy, We Love and Appreciate Eret in this House, Wilbur Soot is Floris | Fundy's Parent, breakdowns?? sorta??, eret is Also fundy's parents, fundy do be an angsty teen lol, fundy's not having a fun time idk, gee fundy why does the death of ur dad let u have /two/ parents, really cashing in on all these tags lmao, set during tommy's exile for the most part, sorta - Freeform, when eret's going to adopt fundy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 23:55:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,308
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29866029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/call_me_steve/pseuds/call_me_steve
Summary: Fundy cuts right to the chase. "I'm leaving. I'll be back- I'm just not sure when. But-""You're going alone?" Eret asks, in lieu of where, why, when; now?"I'll go with him," says Ghostbur, slipping close. He keeps his distance from Eret- whether unconsciously or not, Fundy doesn't know. "It'll be just like when you were little, Fundy!"Before Fundy can snap at Ghostbur for that, Eret asks a different question. "Where are you going?""I'm going to find Mom," he says. "I need to talk to her. I need to know why she left."-Or, Fundy leaves the DSMP to go find Sally and loses himself in the past and present. Ghostbur and Eret go with him.
Relationships: Eret & Floris | Fundy, Eret & Wilbur Soot, Floris | Fundy & Wilbur Soot
Comments: 7
Kudos: 89





	1. leaving

**Author's Note:**

> i'll link my tumblr later but it's @unfinished-sympathies! 
> 
> pfft also reupload bc i deleted it in a Fit Of Major Anxiety

Fundy rushes through the halls, listening to the methodic  _ thump, thump, thump _ of his cow-skin bag crashing against his thigh. There was nothing heavy inside- just clothing at the moment- so each  _ thump _ was dulled by fabric slapping against fabric. That, paired with the stomp of his sneakers against the cool stone floors of Eret's castle, echoed around the halls, forming the only sounds for miles. (Well, what  _ seemed _ like miles. Fundy recalls growing up in a castle twice as large and, yet, finds himself swarmed and overwhelmed by the sheer size of it.) 

He's searching for Eret: for the throne room, the study, or even Eret's bedroom. While, over the course of this past week or so, Fundy has become much more familiar with the castle's layout, traversing it always presents a unique sort of task. Without meaning to, he runs into the kitchens and a... flamingo room... and the library. It sort of pisses him off, if only because he's wasting time by getting all turned around- you would think that the throne room would be the  _ easiest _ room to find, after all- but the thing that pisses him off the most is the ghost that won't quit trailing him. 

Ghostbur had shown up a few hours ago, tap-tap-tapping on Fundy's bedroom door. Since the end of Manburg and  _ L' _ Manburg, and his own orphaning and loss of his father, Fundy had been crashing with Eret- because there was no other place where he could go. Phil was out of the question. The memory of his grandfather's own blade, slipping straight through Wilbur's chest, was ingrained in Fundy's mind. He couldn't stand to look at Phil. Not yet. 

He just needed a little more time, away from thoughts of adoption and fishing and  _ family. _ He needed room to breathe, without thinking of Phil's weary grin that reminds Fundy a bit too much of his father.

So- here he was, staying with Eret; staying with the very person who'd said,  _ If you need someone else... I can adopt you. Instead of Phil. _ In the time they'd shared together in these past few weeks, Fundy had given it  _ far _ too much thought. Would he really allow them to take him in, after everything that they'd done during the war for L'Manburg's independence? Eret had  _ betrayed _ them- had slaughtered them all in cold blood. 

And, yet, here Fundy was. Rushing through the halls of Eret's castle, looking for them so he could ask if they'd be willing to help him. 

Here he was, co-existing with the person who'd taken his first life. 

_ We've all done bad things, _ Fundy recalls his father saying once, when he was so very young.  _ Whether they be mistakes that hurt others or- or whatever else... Just because we've done something bad, that doesn't mean we're bad people.  _

Of course,  _ that _ context had been a little Fundy who'd shattered one of Philza's things; had been a little Fundy- (not yet  _ called _ Fundy)- driven to tears and wailed,  _ I'm a bad person, _ to Wilbur. Wil had swept him up into his arms and told him, quietly, that bad people were those who  _ repeatedly _ made bad decisions that hurt other people; were those who  _ hurt _ because they knew that they not only had the power to do it but because they  _ wanted to. _

_ You, my little champion, _ said he, as he nuzzled his nose into Fundy's cheek,  _ could never be a bad person. _

Fundy believed him. Once. 

He's not sure he still does. He's not sure it even  _ matters _ whether he does or not. His father is gone and, even though there's a ghost drifting after him that looks so much like him, he'll never come back. 

But- right. Ghostbur had come in search of Fundy earlier this morning, claiming that today was a day he couldn't spend without him.  _ Today is Sally's birthday! _ Ghostbur had whispered like it was a secret they had to keep between just the two of them. (Had whispered, like he was planning a surprise and couldn't bear to have Sally hear it.) 

Fundy had gotten mad at that- Ghostbur spoke as if Fundy didn't  _ know. _ But- that's the entire reason why he's out here in the first place, searching for Eret. Today is Sally's birthday, and every year on her birthday, Wilbur would tell Fundy a tale about the place where Sally had fled to: that "upstream" place where none of them could follow. He would repeat to Fundy each year:  _ She isn't dead. She'll come find us, someday, and we'll be a family again. _

Someday- someday, someday, someday. Fundy grew up on somedays. So had Wilbur- _someday he'll come home-_ and Phil- _someday I'll leave all of this behind-_ and both of his uncles- _someday, someday._ Their family name might be _Soot-_ _(Minecraft)-_ but they are known better for _Someday._ That is just what makes them, them.

Fundy is so  _ tired _ of somedays. He just wants a  _ today- _ maybe a tomorrow. A  _ today _ he can live in and explore; a today in which the future exists and doesn't need to be worried over; a today in which the past has happened but doesn't choke him. 

He's hoping to give himself a  _ today: _ Today, he sets out to find Sally. Today, he fixes his family. Today- well. 

He's not out to fix his family. Not really. If he were, then he wouldn't have told Ghostbur to buzz off- (Ghostbur hadn't listened because he'd forgotten what Fundy was doing about fifteen times at this point)- and he would have gone to talk to Phil. No, all Fundy wants is to find his mother. To figure out why everyone kept  _ leaving him- _ why she even  _ left _ in the  _ first place.  _ Wilbur had never told him why; but, Fundy is old enough, now, that he deserves to know what happened to his mother. Ghostbur certainly isn't going to tell him, so- 

Fundy needs to figure it out on his own. And, if Eret isn’t going to help, then he'll go completely alone. It's just what he has to do. What he  _ wants _ to do- in order to make sense of what has happened to him and the world he once knew. 

_ (Was his father always a bad person? Did he drive Sally away? Did  _ Fundy _ drive her away?) _

He takes a turn towards the center of the castle and tries to ignore Ghostbur as he calls Fundy's name. Ghostbur's voice echoes around the walls, sounding far away and too close all at the same time. The tone itself is unnotable: just a father trailing after his son, calling his name in question. (Not that Ghostbur is his father. Not that Ghostbur  _ deserves _ the title of being his father.) 

Finally,  _ finally, _ he sees the tall double doors that mark the entrance of the throne room- with any luck, Eret will be inside. When he pushes them open, he doesn't bother to hold them; not because Ghostbur can phase through them- (he can't)- but because maybe it'll spur him into realizing that  _ Fundy doesn't want him around. _

(Something deep in Fundy aches when he sees Ghostbur- hates and hurts and rages and roars. Something  _ aches _ and he wants to  _ scream- _ that is his father. That is  _ supposed _ to be his father.  _ That is no longer his father.) _

It doesn't- Ghostbur pushes open the door of his own accord. Though his feet ghost over the ground and he can't really  _ touch _ things, it's never stopped him from being able to open doors and windows. He's always said it's because, if he just focuses for long enough, he can touch and feel like anyone else. Fundy doesn't believe him: the only thing Ghostbur can feel is that off-putting, pseudo-happiness. If he were  _ normal, _ he'd break down like everyone else instead of saying,  _ Have some blue!, _ and then immediately forgetting the conversation. 

"Eret?" Fundy calls- (and recalls Wilbur singing,  _ Fuck Eret, _ and Ghostbur saying,  _ We hate Eret!, _ and Eret breathing,  _ It was never meant to be). _

The throne room is large. Pillars span up to the ceiling on either side of him and large windows spill sunlight throughout the room. Fundy remembers Phil's castle, deep in the Arctic, where the rare sunbeam settled in on the floor. He used to curl up in the light and feels a small part of him, now, itch to do the same. What would he give to just  _ sleep; _ whether for good or just until all of this washes away and he wakes up a better man. (A stronger man- a  _ man, _ in all senses of the word, rather than a child who is far too small; rather than a child who has no  _ control.) _

At the end of the room sits a single throne, rising high enough that had Wilbur been standing beside it, he'd find himself outmatched by it's height. (It says something, doesn't it, that Fundy still thinks so much of his father? Or maybe it says nothing- the man who raised you will always have a place in your mind, after all, even after all the ways they've hurt you.) The throne is empty, just like most days, and Fundy feels his heart falter-

And then he sees them- Eret- standing at one of the windows. Their elbows are folded and resting on the sill, chin resting in one of their hands. Their crown sits atop their head, like always, and their glasses sit perched on their nose. 

Eret looks the perfect picture of  _ peace _ and Fundy almost feels bad to interrupt. 

"Eret," he says, again. Now that he's closer, Eret hears him and looks up. Sunlight drips from their face, coiling in their hair- (no light, dark room,  _ It was never meant to be)- _ but, unlike most people in the DSMP these days, their shoulders don't hike up. Their limbs are loose, posture relaxed, and they spare Fundy a rare smile. 

It fades in seconds- not because they're alarmed, but only because that's how they are. And, no doubt, they see the grim expression crossing Fundy's face and Ghostbur's own perplexed, childish confusion. 

"What's up?" they ask. 

Fundy decides to cut to the chase. There's no time for dallying- he'd like to set out before noon. (He doesn't know how long he'll be gone for; best to use all the time he has.) "I'm leaving. I'll be back- I'm just not sure when. But-" 

_ But, I want someone to come with me. I want  _ you _ to come with me. _

He bites this back as quickly as it had appeared in his brain. While he'd searched Eret out to ask them to join him, he suddenly realizes how  _ childish _ the favor is. Fundy has spent far too long trying to make himself as independent as humanly possible- to separate himself from that Child of the Revolution everyone saw him as. He's an adult in everything but age; he's not a  _ kid _ who needs to be  _ coddled. _ He's not a  _ child _ who needs to ask his parent to hold his hand. 

"You're going alone?" Eret asks, in lieu of  _ where, why, when; now? _

"I'll go with him," says Ghostbur, slipping close. He keeps his distance from Eret- whether unconsciously or not, Fundy doesn't know. "It'll be just like when you were little, Fundy!" 

The only trip that Wilbur and Fundy had ever made together was their immigration from the Arctic Kingdom to the DSMP- back when he wasn't called Fundy and the world felt a little more wrong. That had been a journey full of long nights curled up in his fox form, snoozing away while buried in Wilbur's arms- while his father continued on, day and night, so they could go find themselves a home with his Uncle Tommy. (Now just Tommy, to him. Family hasn't meant much for a long, long time.) 

But, that had been back when Fundy could still look up at Wilbur and feel proud. That had been back when Fundy loved Wilbur openly because it didn't hurt to remember. 

Life has changed.  _ Fundy _ has changed. He's not the same kid who was living in Phil's castle. 

Before Fundy can snap at Ghostbur and tell him,  _ No, _ (because he isn't a child, because he doesn't want him, because, because,  _ because-), _ Eret asks a different question. "Where are you going?"

Fundy lets his glare sit and simmer, pinned right onto Ghostbur. "I'm going to find Mom," he says, and- 

And Ghostbur flinches back, hands rising up to tug at his hair like Wilbur always used to do when stressed. His voice warbles, like something being unearthed. "Why?" 

While Eret doesn't ask this question, too, Fundy can clearly see it laid out over their gaze. No, clearly isn't the right word for it. Just like Wilbur, Eret can be impossibly hard to read from time to time. They're stoic and they keep their emotions held back- (not with lies;  _ that _ had been Wilbur)- just enough that they can come off as cool in any situation. Which- isn't actually true. Eret is like anyone else: their smiles are always true and bright, their laugh is deep and rich. 

Eret's a contradiction, just like Wilbur was, Fundy realizes. 

Maybe he's a contradiction, too. 

Something is bubbling up in his throat. He breathes deeply through his nose, tail sweeping behind him. "I need to talk to her," he says, letting his eyes fall closed. "I need to know why she left." 

Maybe, he thinks, if Ghostbur were half the man that his father was, he would take Fundy's face into his hands and kiss the top of his head. Maybe he would say,  _ It's not your fault, Fundy. It was never your fault.  _ Maybe Fundy would believe him. 

_ (Tell me not to go through with it. Tell me I'll only get hurt. Tell me  _ something _ and fix this.) _

Ghostbur dropped back. While he was already missing pupils- his eyes were fully black- Fundy could've sworn he noticed something dilate. He doubled over for all of a moment, hands falling to grip at his chest, and then-

Then, Ghostbur straightens up and slips a hand into his pocket. He pulls out a blue-tinged crystal and then drops it into Fundy's hand. "Have some blue," he says, and Fundy realizes, once Ghostbur backs away, that he's holding his own saturated, blue rock. Fundy stares at the blue in his hands and can't quite quell that feeling of  _ hate _ boiling up in his chest. Ghostbur is less of a man than even  _ Fundy _ is. 

If Fundy had the chance to tell Ghostbur one thing- that he'd remember no matter what- he would tell him how much he hates him. This is not his father. This is a pale imitation of a man who made mistakes- (of a man who hurt and hurt and  _ hurt.) _ That is why he still makes mistakes, isn't it? That is why he still hurts those around him? 

Ghostbur doesn't even realize he's doing it. That's what hurts most of all. 

_ (I wish you would hurt me because you want to; not because you don't understand.) _

"You and Ghostbur can't go alone," says Eret- (though, Fundy is certain that if  _ just _ him who were going, Eret would let him without a word.) "I'll go with you." 

Fundy's shoulders fall in relief. He doesn't have to ask for Eret to hold his hand- Eret is already coming, and not even because Fundy is going to need them. They are coming because they won't force Fundy to stay with Ghostbur. 

While Fundy doesn't say,  _ thank you, _ he's pretty sure Eret hears it anyway. 


	2. going

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eret turns back to their companions. "Are we still on course?" 
> 
> "Yes," interupts Ghostbur, before Fundy can continue. "Look, see? There's the stake I made, to tie up Frank!" 
> 
> "You remember that?" Fundy asks. "I thought you suppressed everything that happened, once we left." 
> 
> Ghostbur shakes his head with a smile. Since they've stopped walking, he tucks his legs beneath him so he's sitting in the air. "I remember bits and pieces of our journey. It was hard and cold, but you were so little. How could I forget my little champion?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> extra chapter as an apology-

Travelling with Ghostbur is infuriating. 

If someone had asked Fundy who he'd rather travel with, the answer would be clear as day:  _ Not _ Ghostbur. He would choose to go with Techno before Ghostbur- with  _ Phil, _ even. Every once in a while Ghostbur will randomly forget why they're not in L'Manburg anymore. If not that, then he forgets that Fundy  _ doesn't want to talk to him, _ which isn't really anything new. They walk for hours upon hours and Ghostbur keeps asking,  _ Are you tired? Should we stop and rest? You look upset, Fundy, is everything alright? _

No, Fundy is not tired.  _ No, _ they should not stop and rest. And,  _ yes, _ Fundy is upset- but it's not as if  _ Ghostbur _ could fix that. He'd just forget; keep doubling back and repeatedly making the problem worse. 

This is what it must be like, to have a child of his own- someone who swarms around his ankles and annoys him half-to-death. And, yeah. Ghostbur is  _ basically a child. _ He flounders around and doesn't understand a whole lot of things; he doesn't actually get the entire scope of the world and how he affects those things.  _ I want to help, _ says Ghostbur's entire being, but he can't actually help because he'd only end up making a mess of everything, so you just give him the simplest task imaginable and let him pretend like he's doing the Gods' work. 

Fundy imagines this trip would go easier without him. 

Though, certainly, there's small blessings involving having Ghostbur there with him. Wilbur was the only one in the whole world who knew where Sally was. He'd never told Fundy- so, one might wonder, how did Fundy even  _ plan _ on finding Sally, if he wasn't planning on taking Ghostbur with him? 

Well, Fundy knows where he grew up. He knows Sally had to have left from there- so that's where he's going. He's going back to the abandoned and destroyed Arctic Kingdom where he spent his youth, with Tommy and Technoblade and Philza. (And Tubbo and Niki, for a few years. Come to think of it, a lot of them got their start in that kingdom of ice.) 

Niki had only come around to being a  _ close _ friend 0f his once Wilbur had brought him to the DSMP. He feels a little bad, now, about leaving without letting her know. Niki has been there for nearly everything in Fundy's life since starting his new life here. When he came out- said,  _ I'm a boy- _ she supported him. When his father established L'Manburg, she helped them. When L'Manburg won its independence and the election came around, she listened to him as he got increasingly more frustrated towards Wilbur. Then, when Wilbur was exiled and Fundy lost his father for the very first time, she helped him through it; even as he played the role of a spy and burned down the L'Manburg flag and bided his time until the day Schlatt fell and his father returned home. 

Sometimes, Fundy wishes that Niki were here in the after. It's not as though they've drifted apart- no. If anything, after losing Wilbur for real, they grew closer out of grief. All he means by  _ "I wish you were here in the after" _ is that he wishes that she were here with him here, right now. 

Right now, as he makes his way back to the place he was born. 

He recalls that, once they'd moved to the DSMP, Wilbur had told him a story that went like this: 

_ Once upon a time, there had been a lone king who ruled over the Arctic Kingdom. He had no family; no wife. All he had was his close friend, Philza. When this king died, Philza assumed the throne-  _ ("If grandpa was a king, then aren't  _ we  _ royalty, too?" Yes, that's right, my little champion. We're both royalty)- _ and he lived for many years all on his own. Then, one day, he met a fair lady who he married.  _ (She was a shifter, just like you. "We're both foxes!") _ The two of them had a little boy-  _ ("You!")-  _ named Wilbur.  _

_ The wife died when Wilbur was born, so Philza raised him all on his own. But after a few years, Philza had to leave to go fight in a war. He didn't come home for a long, long time-  _ ("You'll never leave for a long, long time, will you?" I'll always be here, for you, my little champion. No matter what happens- I'll always come back.) _ When he  _ did _ come home, he brought with him another little boy. This little boy was a Piglin and-  _ ("His name was  _ Uncle Techno!")- his name was Technoblade.  _

_ After a few years, Technoblade, Philza, and Wilbur grew very close. Philza went on a trip one day and when he came back, he brought  _ another _ little boy. _ ("That's a  _ lotta _ little boys, Dad." It is. You're also a little boy, aren't you?)  _ This little boy's name was Theseus.  _ ("Uncle Tommy!") 

_ Technoblade, Wilbur, and Theseus grew up together. When Philza was home, they were all very happy. There was a day when Theseus made a friend named Tubbo-  _ ("Tubbo's here, too!")-  _ and Wilbur made some friends named Niki and Schlatt. There was a day when Technoblade made a friend named Dream, too.  _ ("They must have been very happy." They were.  _ We _ were.) 

_ There was also a day when Wilbur met a pretty girl named Sally-  _ ("Mom! That's Mom's name!" Yes, that's your mother.)-  _ and after a few months, they had the best baby to ever live. His name was...?  _ ("Fundy!")  _ His name was Fundy, and Wilbur and Sally were very happy to have him. But things didn't work out and Sally had to go upstream.  _ (She was a shifter, too. Like you. "And she swam upstream because she was a salmon!" When did you get so smart?) 

_ So, Wilbur raised Fundy for years in the Arctic Kingdom. But, trouble was brewing and Philza couldn't keep it at bay for forever. So, when Tommy left for the DSMP, Wilbur followed him. The Arctic Kingdom fell not long after, and Technoblade left to go fight in a series of tournaments. Philza left to go travel, like he'd always wanted to.  _

("And we made a country." And we made a country.) 

Well, like father, like son, as the stories go. If Phil hadn't been able to keep together a nation, how could Wilbur? But- Fundy had never once imagined that he'd ever come  _ home  _ to the Arctic Kingdom. 

He'd never imagined he'd be left with his father's ghost, either, but there's a first time for everything. 

He's getting ahead of himself- losing himself in Wilbur and Ghostbur and things that once were. Fundy tries to shake his head clear, focusing instead on Eret, who's walking a few steps behind them. 

If travelling with Ghostbur is infuriating, travelling with Eret is  _ easy.  _

They carry their own weight and know when to say,  _ maybe Ghostbur is right, let's take a break.  _ They're a quiet partner to have, but Fundy's grown used to that over the past few weeks. It gives him his own time to think- just like he used to have, with Wilbur. While Wilbur had been a master wordsmith, he knew how to manipulate the silence to make it hurt just as much as he could make it feel like coming home. Eret isn't  _ exactly _ the same way. Their silences are hardly scolding; they're almost always comfortable.

Fundy's hands curl around the strap of his bag. He'd gotten another one to hold any other supplies they would need- as Eret had reminded him to do, before leaving L'Manburg behind. Blankets, food, extra tools; Eret, Fundy, and Ghostbur were decked out in everything a group of explorers needed. (Well, Ghostbur less so. He carried a few bags just for the sake of being helpful, but dropped them every so often because, as he claimed, he hadn't been  _ paying attention.) _

He attempts to clear out his head again. He breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth- he can't keep his thoughts from returning to one of two things: how much he  _ hates _ Ghostbur's presence and how  _ similar _ Eret and Wilbur seem to be. 

Everyone in Fundy's life connects back to Wilbur, in the end. It's almost as if he's never had anything of his own. (And, how could he? Everything is tinted red and yellow and blue- everything is stained with ash and soot and cinders.) Eret had been Wilbur's before Fundy's. The  _ world _ had been Wilbur's before Fundy's. 

So, of course, Wilbur's fingerprints can be found all over the Earth. 

"How're we looking?" Eret asks, pausing for a moment. 

"Huh?" 

As Fundy turns, Eret clarifies, "The map. Are we still on course?" 

Had Fundy been in his human form, he'd have gone stark red. He'd put away the map, unconsciously, a while back- then, he'd gotten lost in his own thoughts and forgot to keep track.

The only reason why they were using the map was because Fundy had been too young to remember the path Wilbur had taken, to get Fundy from the Arctic Kingdom to the DSMP. Just before they'd left, Eret had sat Fundy down so they could outline a trail. They had already crossed the ocean- (Eret had paid someone for use of their boat, since there were three of them and they needed a bigger one)- so all they had to do, now, was travel through the woods until they reached the closest snow biome, which would take them to the Arctic Kingdom. But- they were going to be lost regardless, because of him. Because Fundy hadn't been paying attention. 

"I-" 

How does he tell Eret that he hadn't been checking? How does he tell Eret that they could be set back  _ days _ because he'd gotten preoccupied? 

"Yes," says Ghostbur, before Fundy can continue. "Look, see? There's the stake I made, to tie up Frank!" 

Frank had been the horse that Wilbur had ridden, to bring Fundy and himself to the DSMP. Originally, Frank was Technoblade's horse- but, Wilbur had needed a discrete ride and Frank was the easiest option. 

And, true to Ghostbur's words, there's a stake peeking out of the earth. It's worn with age and from rain, but it's noticeable nonetheless. Fundy and Wilbur had stopped here, once upon a time, to rest for a night before continuing on to the ocean. Wilbur had held Fundy, locked in fox form for warmth, and made him feel safe. 

What stories did Wilbur tell him, while they'd rested here? What words and promises did he share? 

"You remember that?" Fundy asks. "I thought you suppressed everything that happened, once we left." 

Ghostbur shakes his head with a smile. Since they've stopped walking, he tucks his legs beneath him so he's sitting in the air. "I remember bits and pieces of our journey. It was hard and cold, but you were so little. How could I forget my little champion?" 

_ I don't know, _ Fundy doesn't say.  _ How did you forget me, after the election? How did you push me aside so easily? _

"Should we stop here, then?" Eret questions. They turn their gaze upwards, holding a hand above their eyes to block out the sun. "It's nearing the end of the day." 

At this point, they've been travelling for half a week. Fundy can't remember how long it took Wilbur to carry him from the Arctic Kingdom to here- so there's no telling how many more miles rest between them in the forest and the ruins of the kingdom in the snow. For all they know, the kingdom could be no more than a few minutes before them. 

Would sleeping be a waste? Would setting up  _ camp _ be a waste? 

Once more, Ghostbur takes the lead. "It should only take half a day to get to the kingdom on foot," he hums, dropping his bags and pulling himself, easily, up into a tree. It's more or less just him floating up onto the branch. When he's situated, he points off to the side- the south-east to the south they've been traveling. "The edge of the forest is little more than a mile away- it'll be the snow that slows us down."

Both Fundy and Eret meet eyes- though Eret's are blocked behind their dark glasses- as Ghostbur's tone grows a little melancholy. The smile on Ghostbur's face fades and his hand reaches up to grip at his curls. 

He says, ever so quietly, "This is where we slept, that first night." His words switch to the third person, as though he can't bear to remember it for himself anymore. "Alivebur didn't stop until he felt like he was deep enough in the forest where no one would ever find him." 

Ghostbur's final statement rings out in the air and, as quick as a blink, Ghostbur's hands flew to his chest and he  _ fell  _ out of the tree. 

Instinctively, both Fundy and Eret rushes forward. They aren't fast enough to stop Ghostbur's body from  _ thumping _ against the ground, but he doesn't seem hurt as he pushes himself into a sitting position. Ghostbur opens his mouth to say something and static- just like the sort that rattled out of their communicators when the redstone clashed with magic- spills out. 

Fundy pulls back. "What the  _ hell-?" _

Without a word, Eret gently urges Fundy to step back. Then, they move forward to kneel down before Ghostbur. They reach into their pockets and pull out something crystal, which they press into Ghostbur's hands. It quickly turns blue and Ghostbur stops squeezing his eyes shut. 

The smile returns to his face and he stands, catching a glimpse of Fundy's face. "Oh dear," he says, softly. "You look like you just saw a ghost!" 

Ghostbur peters off into laughter. He reaches out, perhaps to grab a hold of Fundy's hand, but Fundy slips back a little further. 

His heart is pounding a little harder in his chest; his breath is coming a little faster. He feels that familiar rage boiling up in his gut, paired with a fear he has never confronted. 

Fundy is five, ten, thirteen-  _ young- _ all over again, watching his father run out into the clearing in order to draw fire away from his soldiers. He is  _ young _ and watching his entire world fall apart, he is young and watching his father lose himself to the stress of the election, he is young and watching his father turn tail and run as Schlatt laughs a little louder.

He is young and watching a ghost of his father crumble like an old building standing for too long. 

Fundy does not want to face this, so he turns tail and he runs. 

(Runs, right in the direction Ghostbur had pointed to.  _ Runs,  _ right in the direction of a kingdom laced with ice and snow and memories from long, long ago.)


	3. finding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He is the boy who donned a bloody apron. He is the boy who burned down the flag. He is the boy who acted as a spy though it cost him everything. 
> 
> He is a boy- he is a man; screaming out at the world because it has wronged him in so many ways. He is enough and perhaps if the world thought this, it would sing him sweet melodies like _I love you because you are love-_ but he is not love, he is hate and rage and hurt; he is a storm howling at the moon and begging for attention from someone no longer living. He is not love, for Wilbur used to be love and L'Manburg used to be love and the world used to be love. 
> 
> Fundy chokes out a sob and feels something hot slip down his fur. His nose twitches and he thinks, I am beast, I am beast, I am beast. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmmm tws for: violence (fundy fights some mobs) & a sorta breakdown

Fundy doesn't stop running until he hits the snow and, even then, it's only so he can search the sky line for any hint of the castle he recalls amiss hazy memories. He wants so badly to scream- to slam something against the frozen ground as his rage builds up to an ever-growing peak. 

He needs to do something, to  _ hurt something, _ and the further the sun dips down the more of an idea he has. Mobs will soon begin appearing and, though all Fundy really has is the small iron axe clipped to his hip and the bag of supplies he'd packed, he has never been more ready for a fight. Gods-  _ screw _ the idea of finding his mother;  _ screw _ the idea of dragging Ghostbur along as he returns home;  _ screw _ the idea of love and family and putting back together things that should have stayed broken. 

Fundy does not  _ care _ anymore- oh, no, Fundy does not  _ fucking care. _ He wants to hurt in more ways than one and he is  _ done _ playing nice with Wilbur Soot. His dad is gone and dead- he died way back when Tommy gave Dream both of his discs for the independence of L'Manburg, or maybe in that  _ goddamn control room _ when Eret said,  _ Down with the revolution, boys.  _ Either way, Fundy hasn't had his father in a very, very long time. 

Ghostbur isn't even  _ close _ to his dad. His dad used to tell Fundy all about the good and the bad in the world; used to sing songs for him; used to put up as strong a front as he could bear. He never used to have these...  _ forgetful fits. _ He never used to have  _ static pour from his lips. _ He never- 

_ Gods! _

There he goes again, thinking about what had been and what is no longer. He's sick of it, completely; Wilbur and Ghostbur have no more stake in his life. He has Eret, now, and needs no one else to try and play  _ parent.  _ He doesn't  _ want _ to think about Ghostbur and his father any more. He doesn't. He  _ doesn't. _

The first mob appears. Fundy slices it's head clean off. 

He is the boy who donned a bloody apron. He is the boy who burned down the flag. He is the boy who acted as a spy though it cost him  _ everything. _

He is a  _ boy- _ he is a  _ man; _ screaming out at the world because it has wronged him in so many ways. He is enough and perhaps if the world thought this, it would sing him sweet melodies like  _ I love you because you are love- _ but he is not love, he is hate and rage and hurt; he is a storm howling at the moon and begging for attention from someone no longer living. He is not  _ love, _ for  _ Wilbur _ used to be love and  _ L'Manburg _ used to be love and the  _ world _ used to be love. 

Fundy chokes out a sob and feels something hot slip down his fur. His nose twitches and he thinks,  _ I am beast, I am beast, I am beast. _

Only beasts can lose themselves in this haze of war and bloodshed- like Technoblade and himself and Phil long, long ago. Wilbur became a beast when he lost the election; Schlatt was  _ born _ a beast of massive proportions. Is there anyone  _ left _ with a single shred of peace and humanity? 

(Yes-  _ yes- _ there is Eret, who wears a cloak stained red with cherries and flowers. Yes, there is Eret who has been played like a fiddle and only wants peace. Yes, there is  _ Eret- there is  _ Eret.)

Fundy snarls when a skeleton attempts to shoot at him and dances around it, slamming his shoulder into it and sending it scattering to pieces. A spider lunges onto his back and Fundy drops to the ground, crushing it beneath him. A phantom shrieks in the sky because none of them have slept in ever so long and Fundy plucks the bow from the skeleton and aims for the stars. 

It is not enough, it is not enough, it is not  _ enough. _

The mobs are growing in size and Fundy is losing himself to his manic haze. Faster, faster, more,  _ more- _ The axe breaks. Fundy's hands are empty, save for the bow. He scrounges for arrows but none are to be found.  _ Shit, shit, shit- _

Now, Fundy shifts into his fox form and darts through the mobs. He doesn't head for the safety of the forest and trees like Wilbur had long ago taught him to do-  _ (climb as high as you can, Fundy, and if you're able, always carry arrows on you. Bows are easy to make, arrows are not.)- _ and instead lashes out with his claws at the ankles of rotting zombies. He's the exact height of the overgrown spiders and takes them head on when he crashes into them, tearing at flesh with blood-stained teeth. 

_ I am beast, I am beast, I am beast. _

Even beasts, of course, tire out- and when Fundy finds himself backed against a rock and the snow, he shifts back into his hybrid form and lets his eyes shut. 

_ This is it, this is it, this is it- _

An arrow whizzes past his head and reflexively, Fundy's eyes snap open. Rather than seeing the sharp glint of another arrow being knocked before embedding itself into his skin- as many have; he just hasn't noticed, for the adrenaline still roars strong- he watches as one lodges itself into the eye of a zombie. The zombie falls to the ground, defeated, and another arrow slams into the next mob behind it. 

More mobs fall, this time prey to the glimmering, enchanted netherite of a long, thin sword. As the crowd thins, Fundy finally catches sight of Eret, who's crown still sits atop their head. They're missing their cloak, but every other part of their ensemble- the tight, high waisted pants, the blue shirt, the heeled-boots- is still in place. Their cheek is splattered with a bit of gore from the slaughter and they move about as if dancing. Their steps are light, fluid, and graceful. 

Fundy watches, as though in a trance, as more arrows rain down and the sun begins to peak up into the sky. 

"E-Eret?" Fundy breathes out, as everything crashes down into him. He notes the horrible pain radiating through his body and pushes it down a little deeper. He's hurt like this before, certainly, and it's nothing that the healing potions in his bag- which he'd forgotten about during the fight- cannot fix. 

As Eret sheathes their sword and moves close, Fundy pulls one out and takes a long sip. 

"Oh,  _ Prime, _ Fundy," says Eret- for there's two sorts of gods up there in the sky, the Sky Gods who Wilbur had always believed in and the Prime Gods. The Prime Gods are the most popular in the DSMP; it only makes sense that Eret would invoke their name over anyone else's. "Are you okay?" 

Anyone with half a brain can tell that Fundy isn't okay- but Eret is asking because they are polite; Eret is asking because they know Fundy will never say  _ yes; _ they are asking because they are the one good thing in a world of  _ bad, bad, bad. _

"No," Fundy says. The word shatters and breaks in a million ways. Without a word, Eret tugs him against their chest- though they're careful not to aggravate his wounds. 

Eret holds Fundy just like Wilbur used to do; chin settled over the top of Fundy's head- despite the fact that Fundy has grown tall over the years. "You scared the  _ hell _ out of us, man." 

"Sorry." 

Finally, Eret pulls back. They hold Fundy at arm's length, hands resting on his shoulders. "If we weren't so close to the kingdom, I'd tell you we're going home. You can't  _ do _ stuff like this, Fundy- you could've gotten yourself  _ killed." _

Had Fundy been younger, he'd have snapped,  _ What do you care? _ Eret was, after all, the person that got him killed in the control room all those years ago. Eret was,  _ after all, _ the reason why most of the original L'Manburg group all had claustrophobia. 

But, Fundy isn't  _ young _ anymore. He's a man- seven years have come and gone since the very first L'Manburg war. Fundy has no reason to bare his teeth. Fundy has no reason to believe Eret doesn't care. 

"I just- I got so  _ mad. _ I had to do something." 

Eret lifts their head- probably shifting their gaze to something behind Fundy. Burning mobs are all that surround them, now, so Fundy's certain he knows just who it is: Ghostbur. 

"I know... I know that what Wilbur did to you wasn't right," Eret begins. "And- believe me, I'm not trying to tell you that you have to move on from this; that you have to  _ forget this.  _ But-" They pull Fundy's hands into theirs, voice lowering into something just louder than a whisper. "I want what's best for you. I will  _ always _ want what's best for you." 

"And?" Fundy asks, feeling small. 

"Maybe what's best for you." Eret backtracks, trying again. "What's best for you is  _ not _ your current relationship with Ghostbur." 

"What are you trying to say?" Fundy asks, without heat. "That I try and cut him off? In case you hadn't noticed- that's not really  _ working _ for me." 

Eret breathes in through their nose- not impatiently, but as though they're building themselves up for what t they have to say next. "Maybe there's only one other option." Then, just like that, Eret spins Fundy around so he's facing Ghostbur- 

Ghostbur, who's looking paler than normal; Ghostbur, whose eyes are filled to the brim with black; Ghostbur, who's holding a bow in his hands and has a quiver sitting on his hip. The bow had always been Wilbur's favored weapon, too- but Fundy had never realized that Ghostbur  _ could _ lift a weapon. He's so startled by the image before him that he almost doesn't realize that Ghostbur's feet are starting to- to  _ dematerialize. _ He's floating again, but only because his feet are almost entirely  _ gone. _ Even parts of his arms and legs seem to be disappearing. 

"Fundy!" he cheers, taking a step forward. He stumbles a little and his face goes into a perfect, textbook ':o' face. It's comical enough that Fundy nearly laughs, but then Ghostbur lets out a little hiss of pain and Fundy  _ remembers- _

Ghostbur can't be outside in the snow and the rain. It burns him,  _ hurts _ him. 

More of that senseless rage boils up in Fundy's gut. He  _ knew- _ Ghostbur  _ knew _ that he would only get hurt if he tried to travel into the Arctic Kingdom and, yet, he came with them anyway. Once more, Fundy found himself ready to curse Ghostbur out to the heavens above. How could he have gotten stuck with the most  _ useless damn ghost  _ in the  _ whole entire world? _

"Fundy," says Eret, from behind. Their tone is warning, but not chastising. They're urging Fundy to think a little more about it before he comes to any drastic conclusions. 

So- Fundy thinks and he tries to put everything in perspective and- oh. Ghostbur was worried about him, wasn't he? He saw Fundy run off and like the dumb  _ fuck _ he is, he decided what better than to chase after him! And, of  _ course _ he came with Fundy to find Sally despite the destination. Ghostbur just wanted to be helpful.

He was doing a cruddy job of it, if Fundy was being honest. 

"I was so  _ worried _ about you," Ghostbur chitters off, anxiety curling around his words. He goes to grip at his chest but stops short, regarding the bow in his hands. "You ran off and I thought that maybe you wouldn't come back." 

"I'm fine," says Fundy, raising his arms as if to prove his point. "See?" 

Ghostbur nods his head exactly once, reaching out with a gentle hand. It brushes through one of the arrows sticking out of Fundy's arm- Fundy winces at the sharp shock of pain that rides up and yanks himself back. He might be trying his goddamn  _ best, _ but his attempt is laughable and only makes Fundy want to tear his own fur out. 

Without thinking, Fundy bares his teeth and snaps them. Ghostbur waivers, but throws on the sweetest smile and chastises, "Oh, stop that." 

As vicious as a beast, Fundy replies, "Don't tell me to  _ stop. _ We're  _ beasts- _ bloodshed and hurt is in our  _ nature,  _ and you seem to do it best." 

_ Fade back, _ Fundy dares.  _ Fade back and forget like you always do. Admit you can't do this, damnit. _

Ghostbur clutches the bow a little tighter, and Fundy finds himself surprised he hasn't dropped it yet. He cocks his head to the side and frowns a little, brows creasing. It's a look Fundy never sees for long anymore. 

"Fundy," says Ghostbur, quietly. "No- oh,  _ no, no." _ He slips forward and Fundy can't make himself pull away again. The bow slips to the ground and Ghostbur settles two freezing hands on Fundy's cheeks. "We hurt because we are human, Fundy.  _ That's _ human nature." 

Fundy closes his eyes as tightly as he can. 

"Human nature is loving so fiercely and strongly that you can't help but make mistakes," Ghostbur continues- and all Fundy hears is:  _ I am making excuses for my mistakes; I am making excuses for my mistakes; I am making  _ excuses-

"Shut up!" Fundy cries, hands flying out to push Ghostbur away. They only end up slipping through the other's chest and the feeling is so awful that Fundy retreats back another few steps. He thumps straight into Eret, who must have moved closer to quell the incoming argument. 

Ghostbur looks sad, sad, sad; his face winds up and he almost looks like he's in pain before he finally lets himself grip at his chest, doubling over. Fundy turns away, unwilling to watch, and instead tries to figure out which direction they're supposed to move in. Straight forward in the direction Ghostbur had been facing, probably?

"Fundy," Eret repeats.

Gods, Fundy's so sick of people calling his name with that same tone. He doesn't want to hear it anymore. He  _ doesn't want to hear it anymore. _

"I'm trying," he says, curtly. 

"I know." They glance up at the sky, tracing the sun, and then turn to the right just a smidge- the direction of the Arctic Kingdom, no doubt. "He loves you." 

_ Human nature is loving so fiercely and strongly that you can't help but make mistakes. _

"He's making excuses. C'mon- I'm not wasting another day." 

Without another word, Fundy pushes forward, tracing the steps of a man long gone. 


	4. knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "He's getting overwhelmed by his memories." 
> 
> The sky above them is overcast, threatening to snow. The world beyond looks barren. Fundy can hardly believe that there would be anyone living here among the rubble- but once a home, always a home, he supposes. If only the same applied to people. To family. To nations haphazardly built, to friendships clumsily made, to stories messily created. 
> 
> Once yours, always yours. If only. 
> 
> "Probably. This would've been so much easier if he would just tell us where Mom is."
> 
> Eret wrings their hands together, looking off to the side. Their joy has faded back, leaving uncertainty in its place. "Maybe even he doesn't know where she went." 
> 
> "Ghostbur?" Eret nods. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure he doesn't. Wilbur would have, though." 
> 
> "And Ghostbur and Wilbur aren't the same," they finish, for him.
> 
> "They never will be." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i cater to exactly one person and that is me

They reach the ruins of the Arctic Kingdom just before noon, and it nearly causes the worst "glitch"- as Fundy is now deciding to call it- in Ghostbur yet. 

At first, Eret tells Ghostbur and Fundy both to stay back as they do a quick run through of the ruins. Seeing as though they're both recognizable as heirs to the kingdom's throne- though Fundy is older and Ghostbur is dead- they're at risk if there's anyone still hanging around who bears ill-will towards the Arctic's ex-royalty. (Fundy almost tries to make a case for why Eret shouldn't have to go alone; they're royalty too, and if someone's going to jump one royal, they'll probably jump another.) 

Eret wins the battle, like always, and disappears away into the ruins. Fundy thrusts his hands under his armpits, arms crossed over his chest. His foot starts to tap erratically- he doesn't want to have to sit around with Ghostbur, he wants to be exploring the ruins for any sign of his mother. 

_ I'll find you, _ he thinks, as Ghostbur stares at the destroyed castle before them.  _ I will, I swear. _

It's about then that Ghostbur starts spouting nonsense, mixed together with something like an echo. "I don't think I want to be here," he says, turning to the forest. "I- I don't think-" 

Fundy reaches out, wraps a hand around Ghostbur's collar, and yanks him back. His hand doesn't slip through him again and Ghostbur hardly tries to object- at least, physically. 

Verbally, he lowers his voice to a stage whisper and says, "I think I'm remembering something, Fundy. I don't like it very much." 

"I don't care if you don't like it," Fundy snaps back. "Just sit here with me and quit being such a coward." 

"Fundy-" 

_ "Sit." _

Ghostbur sits- but instead of plopping down onto the toppled-over stone pillar Fundy's perched on, he settles right into the snow. Fundy can't stop himself from barking out a not-so-nice name, ordering Ghostbur to his feet before he starts falling apart more. A slight shiver wracks through him as Ghostbur corrects his mistake, sitting down onto the stone and tucking up his legs.

"I'm sorry," says Ghostbur. Fundy realizes he's holding blue again- this time, it's nearly completely coloured in. "I can't seem to do anything right, can I?" 

"No," Fundy agrees. "You can't." 

To this, Ghostbur hums. He squeezes the blue in his hands and ends up coating his fingers in the colour. "I never thought I'd come home." 

Every part of Fundy knows not to take the bait. He'll just get mad and upset, chasing the ghost of his father when it doesn't even exist. This ghost  _ is not _ his father. Never will be, never was. 

So, why does he take it? Why does he say, "I didn't think you'd still consider this  _ home." _

"I do," says Ghostbur. He drags a half-gone heel through the snow and laughs in pain as it fades away a little more. How ironic is it that he's had memory problems since the start of his creation, Fundy thinks, and is now crumbling when finally faced with the memories he's surely longed to hold. "Even Alivebur always considered it home." 

"Then why did you leave?" 

_ Things could have gone differently, had you stayed. Maybe we wouldn't be here like this. Maybe we wouldn't be here at all. _

Had Wilbur stayed, he never would have created L'Manburg and he never would have lost it. Fundy would have stayed in the Arctic Kingdom and grown up with Niki and Tommy and Tubbo- maybe, at least, for they left of their own accord. He would have been closer with Phil and Technoblade; he wouldn't have had to pretend to betray his friends, he wouldn't have had to work with the enemy, he wouldn't have had to  _ lose his dad. _

Then Fundy recalls Wilbur's story: _ But, trouble was brewing and Philza couldn't keep it at bay for forever. _

Ghostbur shifts into the third person. Fundy wants to scream. "He had to leave. He had to make sure you were safe." 

"What about you? Would you do the same?" 

Before Ghostbur can bring his hands up to his chest, Fundy grabs at them. He doesn't notice the hitch in Ghostbur's breathing; the way his eyes widen and his body tenses. He doesn't see it, doesn't catch it, doesn't  _ want _ to. Wilbur had been unshakable until Schlatt and Dream and L'Manburg. Why can't Ghostbur be the same? 

"For you?" Ghostbur asks, turning so he meets Fundy's eyes. He smiles and it doesn't look sweet or sorry or simple. 

It looks like Wilbur's. 

_ "Always."  _

_ You're lying, _ says Fundy's brain.  _ You're lying because if you were telling the truth then you never would have gone down this path and you would still be alive. _ But- his heart, his soul, his  _ everything; _ it begs and it prays to someone who no longer breathes and he finds himself moving before he can think. He crashes right into Ghostbur, nearly sending them both into the snow, and holds what  _ could _ be his father as close as he can. Ghostbur holds him back and Fundy can almost imagine that he's Wilbur. 

"I love you, Fundy," Ghostbur says. 

A better son would have said to a better father,  _ I love you, too. _

In the end, neither of them are better than the other. All Fundy can say is, "I know." 

They sit in silence, after that, until Eret comes back. They have a smile on their face and a skip in their step- something good had to have happened, Fundy reckons, for them to act so jovial in the face of all of this. It's good to see, don't get him wrong- it's just oddly placed. 

"What'd you find?" Fundy calls out, when they near. 

Eret's grin grows brighter. "Someone who was a part of the old staff!" 

Fundy's mind doesn't connect the dots for a few minutes. Then- once the pieces all slide into place- he hurriedly stands. If Eret found someone who'd been working in the castle while Wilbur was there, they probably know  _ something _ about Sally. Maybe-  _ maybe- _ they even know where she went. 

"You're a gods-send," says Fundy, clapping Eret over on the shoulder. He gestures back for Ghostbur to stand, but Ghostbur only stares at them and waivers. 

"Ghostbur?" Eret asks.

Said ghost only shakes out his head and stands. "I'm sorry," he says, withdrawing some more over-saturated blue so he can worry it between his hands. "I'm coming." 

Once Ghostbur joins them, the trio heads out to re-walk Eret's previous path. Their footsteps lay etched in the snow and Ghostbur makes a game out of walking in them. After a little bit, he hops behind Fundy to walk in his instead. Of course, every few moments Ghostbur suddenly stops, hand tugging at his curls.

This happens, time and time again, but neither Eret nor Fundy question him. They just keep walking past crumbled stone shimmering over with ice; past charred tapestries and broken arrow heads. Fundy picks up each one they stumble upon- he can use them to fashion new arrows if they're not cracked. Otherwise, it can't hurt just to  _ have  _ them. A memory; a souvenir. 

Just as Fundy leans down to grab another one- making it just about six- Eret speaks up. "He's getting overwhelmed by his memories." 

The sky above them is overcast, threatening to snow. The world beyond looks barren. Fundy can hardly believe that there would be anyone living here among the rubble- but once a home, always a home, he supposes. If only the same applied to people. To  _ family. _ To nations haphazardly built, to friendships clumsily made, to stories messily created. 

_ Once yours, always yours. _ If only. 

"Probably. This would've been so much easier if he would just  _ tell us _ where Mom is."

Eret wrings their hands together, looking off to the side. Their joy has faded back, leaving uncertainty in its place. "Maybe even  _ he  _ doesn't know where she went." 

"Ghostbur?" Eret nods. "Yeah. I'm pretty sure  _ he  _ doesn't.  _ Wilbur _ would have, though." 

"And Ghostbur and Wilbur aren't the same," they finish, for him.

"They never will be." 

"You wish they were." 

"I do." Fundy hops over another fallen pillar- this one of quartz- and peers back to find Ghostbur staring off into the distance once more. He sighs and stops moving, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Things would be easier if they were. Then I could hate him- and everything wouldn't be so  _ confusing." _

"Life is confusing, Fundy," Eret jokes. They, too, stop walking, content to watch Ghostbur for a moment longer. "Do you really want to find Sally?" 

_ Would I come all this way if I didn't? _ Fundy starts to say, before- before he realizes that,  _ no, _ there is such a big part of him that  _ does not want _ to find Sally. There is such a big part of him that is so  _ afraid _ that Sally left because of  _ him- _ he doesn't want that part to be right, and finding Sally might just mean that it is. 

_She didn't want me. She didn't love me._ _Maybe neither of them ever did._

In a voice hardly louder than a whisper, Fundy says, "I don't know." 

Eret hums. "I- I can't make the decision for you. I can't tell you if it's better to find her or if it's better to let matters lie-" 

"-but?" 

"It's like I said, Fundy. I want what's best for you. A wild goose chase isn't- that's not what  _ I  _ think is best.  _ But. _ It doesn't matter what I think. It matters what you  _ want. _ If you want this, I'm with you every step of the way. If you don't, then we'll go back home." 

_ Home. _ The castle. Eret had called it home earlier, too, and now that Fundy's finally focusing on  _ that, _ everything feels just a little more simple. He will always have a home with Eret. 

He will always  _ have Eret, _ he realizes, with a jolt. That's what Eret's saying- they'll stand with him, walk with him, laugh with him. They'll be there in the ways that Ghostbur and Wilbur never can and never could be. And-

"I'm not trying to replace him," Eret continues. "If Phil ever manages to do the impossible, I won't fight with Wilbur unless that's what  _ you want." _

"I don't  _ know _ what I want. I just- I just want my  _ dad _ back. The one who actually  _ gave a shit _ and who was  _ there. _ I'm- I'm not trying to  _ denounce _ you or say I'm not thankful for everything you've done, but-" 

Eret reaches out, hand settled on Fundy's shoulder. They smile once more. "I get it. You don't have to explain yourself to me." 

Ghostbur jolts out of his haze. He gives Eret and Fundy the goofiest grin, sort of leaping up into the air and tucking his legs to his chest. There he floats, among a history of memories and moments he might never again remember clearly. He's- He's not  _ Fundy's, _ not anymore, but. He's something left by Wilbur, perhaps to help Fundy get closure. He's  _ something _ and maybe it would be easier if there was  _ nothing, _ but Eret is holding out an empty hand and Ghostbur is too. 

Fundy should take it.  _ Gods, _ he wants to take it- yes,  _ that _ is what he wants. Someday he will find out where Sally is; perhaps when Phil figures out how to revive his dad or perhaps when she comes looking for him or perhaps when he sets out on his one one more time. 

_ Don't give up, _ he thinks- for Fundy  _ never _ gives up. He gives everything his all and doesn't stop until it's done, but for the first time in his life, he closes his eyes and he says: "I think I want to go home." 

_ I want to give this a try.  _

He takes Eret's hand and that book finally closes. Another one, somewhere, opens. 

Fundy doesn't need to know if his mother loves him, for Eret does; for  _ Ghostbur _ does. (Always will, always has, always, always,  _ always.) _

Once a father, always a father. Once a parent,  _ always _ a parent.

That is something that Fundy has finally learned, thanks to this. He believes Ghostbur when he says  _ I love you _ and he believes Eret when he says  _ I want what's best for you _ and he believes himself when he says  _ I am not bad, I am just alive. _

Wilbur had been right, all those years ago, when he had said:  _ We've all done bad things. Whether they be mistakes that hurt others or- or whatever else... Just because we've done something bad, that doesn't mean we're bad people. _

Ghostbur had been right, hours ago, when he had said:  _ Human nature is loving so fiercely and strongly that you can't help but make mistakes. _

Ghostbur isn't a bad person, though he flounders. All of them flounder and wobble and fall- for how do you learn and grow unless you hit the ground; how do you adapt if you've never met a short-coming; how do you move on if you've never accepted that you are at a low? 

Life gets hard- by  _ Gods _ it gets hard. But- it will not stay hard and it will not always hurt and plants will always grow in the cracks of the stone you have placed on the ground. 

_ I have lost but I have gained, _ thinks Fundy,  _ and for once it is enough. _

And- who knows? Perhaps those words- that  _ promise- _ will come true. 

_ She'll come find us, someday, and we'll be a family again. _

Fundy closes his eyes and reaches for the arrow heads in his pocket. Once he's ready, he crouches down and he lays them out so they're pointing to the forest- and by extent, to  _ home. _

_ Come find me, Mom, _ he thinks.  _ Prove to me Wilbur-  _ Dad- _ was telling the truth, at least once upon a time. _

Before they leave, they go speak to the servant that Eret had found. They leave with her a message, one written by Fundy's own hand though Ghostbur had been adamant he get to leave a message of his own: 

> _ Dear Sally,  _
> 
> _ There's a big chance you'll never see this- that you'll never come looking for me. I think I'm okay, knowing that.  _
> 
> _ I don't have Dad anymore- not  _ Dad _ Dad. He's gone. He died a long time ago and even though Grandpa Phil wants him back, I don't think we'll ever see him.  _
> 
> _ That's okay. I think I'm starting to move on- both from you and him. And- if you do see this, just because I'm starting to move on doesn't mean I don't want to see you. I want to get to know you, instead of clinging to stories from Dad. So- on the slim chance you  _ are _ reading this, I'm in what used to be the Dream SMP, living with Eret.  _
> 
> _ Just follow the arrow. You'll know which one.  _
> 
> _ -Your son, Fundy. _
> 
> _ (P.S. Alivebur is gone, but that's okay! He was a bad person and no one liked him much. I don't think you did, either, which is why you left with Fundy all those years ago.  _
> 
> _ I wish you and him had had a little more time with each other. I wish  _ we _ had had a little more time with each other- _
> 
> _ But, like Eret always says: Maybe it wasn't meant to be. _
> 
> _ I don't like thinking about that much. Ever since I came back as a ghost, all of my memories are wonky and cluttered like that old bookshelf I had up in my room. But- I remember you.  _
> 
> _ I'll always remember you. _
> 
> _ Yours,  _
> 
> _ Soot.) _

It's Eret who folds this letter up, as neatly as they can. It's Eret who seals it shut with wax, given to them by the woman, and it's Eret who whispers to her:  _ Keep this safe until she sees it. Please. _

The woman- who has lived in this cottage, on the outskirts of the kingdom- for years upon years, nods her head and takes no payment. She explains that she had never known Sally personally, but knew the "little prince"- Wilbur- closely. 

"He loved that girl," she says, to Eret, as she tucks away the letter. "I think he loved his son just a little more." 

_ Not equally, _ Fundy notices, turning away.  _ Why not equally? _

The answer is simple- easy. 

He knew that Sally and him wouldn't last. But, he'd always thought that he and Fundy, father and son, would last for all of eternity. 

(Maybe he was never wrong.)


End file.
